If we are living not from our child within but from a defended, distorted reality we will fail to appreciate loving-kindfulness truthfully. If, in childhood, we have hidden our child deep within from the crippling clutches of our parents and a world that would crush us and we have not healed this, our adult expressions of love will be distorted. Until our child within is redeemed, our loving kindfulness will be filtered through our shadow self’s murky memories of terror and betrayal and will always have a hidden agenda: a secret, unconscious need for rescue, and when that fails our revenge. We will be incapable of affirming the fullness of life in those we claim to love and we will even doubt our own lovability withholding all affection from ourselves.
The source of our compromised ability to hold honest relationships is rooted in the necessary copping strategies that we built in childhood. We built these emotional defenses to protect our child within from the violations we received from our parents and others. Until we carefully dismantle our dissociated copping strategies through our personal painful grieving process, they will cloud and distort our recovery. If we refuse to heal, our attempts to recover will never be true.
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